It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
