my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so let's talk penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
