Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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