when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
