the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
