i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
