So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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