Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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