I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
