she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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