I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize