I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
