I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
