It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
