went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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