I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
