My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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