I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
