I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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