Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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