I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
