Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
