Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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