think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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