Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
