Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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