I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
