we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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