walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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