I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
