DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
