i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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