I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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