it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
