it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
