no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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