i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
