How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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