Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
