you traded sex for a burrito?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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