Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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