I want to make a zoo with you.
from now on my penis is your penis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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