omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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