I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
