Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
