dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
