My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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