did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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