Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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