please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
nutella sex= disaster
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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