how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
