I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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